Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to propose a simply yet revolutionary idea; one that I believe will solve a great many problems for Detroit.
Imagine, if you will, a Steel Cage Death Match between the persistently controversial and rarely useful George Cushingberry, Jr. of the Detroit City Council and that relic from another time and space L. Brooks Patterson of Oakland County. I submit that no matter what the outcome of this hypothetical match-up might be, Detroit will win.
Cushingberry, of course, earlier this month claimed that he was racially profiled by police officers who were too far away to see whether or not he was using his turn signal. One could wonder how it might be possible for police officers who were that far away could even see the skin color of a driver. I, however, will not dwell on the idea for too long. I stopped trying to make sense of him decades ago.
As for Patterson, well, there are so many things that I could satirize him for that I'm not sure which one to go with first. Some conspiracy theorists, in fact, might even argue that he died years ago, but is simply being kept alive artificially so that local pundits have a go-to source of material.
As an added bonus, between ticket sales for the Cushingberry vs. Patterson Steel Cage Death Match and its pay-per-view rights, Detroit should be able to save her retirees' pensions and and still preserve all of the art at the Detroit Institute of Arts.
I simply cannot see a downside to this idea.
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| Steel cage match - Photo by Simon Q. |
Cushingberry, of course, earlier this month claimed that he was racially profiled by police officers who were too far away to see whether or not he was using his turn signal. One could wonder how it might be possible for police officers who were that far away could even see the skin color of a driver. I, however, will not dwell on the idea for too long. I stopped trying to make sense of him decades ago.
As for Patterson, well, there are so many things that I could satirize him for that I'm not sure which one to go with first. Some conspiracy theorists, in fact, might even argue that he died years ago, but is simply being kept alive artificially so that local pundits have a go-to source of material.
As an added bonus, between ticket sales for the Cushingberry vs. Patterson Steel Cage Death Match and its pay-per-view rights, Detroit should be able to save her retirees' pensions and and still preserve all of the art at the Detroit Institute of Arts.
I simply cannot see a downside to this idea.
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